you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
