well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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