I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
