Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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