I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
