my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize