I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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