I have demons in me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
