Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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