but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
