I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
