Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Randomize
