five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
