I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
