Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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