i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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