you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
