that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize