Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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