Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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