My Higher Power is John Stamos
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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