Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
