Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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