I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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