Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
