i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
