So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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