i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
