roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
