She is in my trunk
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
