I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
