Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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