Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
