Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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