She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
