I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
