so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
