I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
