Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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