LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
