i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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