omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
