Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I did not marry a roomba.
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