Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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