First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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