This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
