Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
