Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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