Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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