If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
