The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
