you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
