If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
