We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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