I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
