I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
