Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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