it hurts more in the daytime
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
