the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm too high and old for this...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
