So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize