I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The chlamydia really affected his face.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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