I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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