just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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