Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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