meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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