i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
