I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
