Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
MIDGETS
????
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
