I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
