Don't make out with my wife yet
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize